The Audit
by WonderNA
Summary: THis is crack. Written for a Dokuga challenge. SESSKAG


(AN)I couldn't help it. This is a response to a dokuga challenge. Also you can check out my profile on .com under the pen name Nobody. I haven't yet but i will post my non SessKag stories there as well. This is rather silly and a little erotic. To those of you who have had the pleasure of an audit you know what i am talking about in this fic.

*****

Sesshoumaru scrutinized the papers in front of him for the hundredth time. He even grabbed out a magnifying glass when his eyes started to betray him. He constantly looked up to make sure his employees were going about their day as closely to policy as possible. Even to the point where he had placed tape on the carpet for the week prior to make sure they knew the proper ways to get to different areas of the office.

Today was the day. He had done many things since the defeat of Naraku. War Lord, playwright, painter, carpenter, accountant, CEO, and now he was running an accounting firm. He loved numbers they were so undefeated, you could not make a number yield nor defeat it, he found this so interesting.

Today he would be audited, by, what he had heard was the most intense and strict auditor from the board. The demon had prepared for weeks. He had been given ample time, and was confident that he would leave this audit as victorious as he had in all of his endeavours.

His secretary popped her head in to tell him the Auditor was on her way.

"Sir, Ms. Higurashi is on her way." She said.

"Hn." Was all hee replied.

'Ms. Higurashi?' He mused while wondering if she purposely used Ms. to sound arrogant. 'Wait, Higurashi, why is that familiar." His thought were broken by the papers on his desk, Sesshoumaru quickly filed them in their correct numbered file in the correct color coded file holder which was in the correct lettered drawer in the specific "closed" filing cabinet.

***

Kagome sighed, she loved her job. She had been taught by the best and was hired specifically to help knock the overly arrogant down a notch. She was good at her job. No one was perfect and she knew exactly how to exploit that. She followed procedure 100% and knew it better then the paths of feudal japan. She looked at the file on this firm while in the elevator. The man running the operation was a real organized monster, he had called her secretary at least 30 times in the last three days to ensure her arrival times. 'What a controlling SOB.' She thought as the elevator opened. She looked around and saw a very well kept office. The employee's all were tasking, none loitering about. She walked up to the Secretaries desk that sat in front of a large door.

She smiled at the woman who was apparently frazzled. She said nothing to her and looked at her watch. She held up her hand and waited while looking at her watch. Then she knocked...twice.

Sesshoumaru was waiting, staring at his watch. He saw the minute hand move making it 3:59. 'She's going to be late.' He mused, his amusement apparent in the smirk. The second hand moved and as it hit 3:59:45 he heard two knocks at his door.

'No way he thought.' As he got up and opened the door. In front of him, carrying two brief cases and a purse was woman, a very familiar woman.

"Hello Mr. Taisho." Kagome said happily. She had to fight the urge to laugh out loud when she saw who had answered the door. 'Oh my god, its Sesshoumar.' She thought over and over again as she walked by him and set her things down.

"Shall we begin? This should take about 2 hours." Kagome said as she opened her first briefcase and began to set up.

Sesshoumaru nodded, something was too familiar about this woman. But he could not place his finger on it.

Soon enough the two were knee deep in paperwork. The first few minutes had been smooth, but soon the battle began. First it was the color coding. According to her manual he had the teal and the cornflower blue files switched. According to his manual her manual was written by incompetent retards. So Kagome called her head office and had the ultra bible manual emailed to her so that i t could be referenced. Next was the placement of the in and out slots on each desk. Both had rulers but were arguing about whether it should be metric or standard.

"Mr. Taisho, this is not Japan, here in America we use standard." She huffed as examined the 1.5 inches from the edge of the desk. 'You disobedient dog.' She added in her mind.

"Ms. Higurashi, we are a global company, therefore metric is what we use." 'You infuriating Miko.' Sesshoumaru stopped at that thought. 'Miko?' He looked at the woman and her ruler. His eyes went wide as he realized exactly who this woman was.

Kagome saw the click when it happened. One second he was whining about metric something and the next he was staring at her with huge eyes. She looked at the demon and smirked and walked toward the customer call logs.

Seshoumaru quickly snapped out of his stupor. Now he defiantly could not let her win.

"Mr. Taisho. These must be categorized alphabetically by last name." She said as she shook her head. She pointed to her book at the procedure outline. Sesshoumaru grabbed his book and showed her the spot where it said "Sort by business name." Kagome sighed. 'Why does the company even have two manuals?' She thought.

The two went back and forth for hours, at two points in the battle someone had to interviene so that their raised voices did not offend any customers on the phone. Soon 6 hours had passed and they were only half way done. The audit form was covered in red flags to reference to the procedure bible that was being sent via email.

Kagome smiled as her blackberry chimed telling her she had received an email. The two raced to the copier, which was facing the wrong direction according to procedure. And waited for all 1253 pages to print. Soon all of the employees were gone beside the two who were now comparing to the bible to figure out who was correct.

Kagome examined the book, Sesshoumaru was behind her reading over her shoulder. She was tired and mentally exhausted. The pressure from his hand on her shoulder felt nice on her sore tense muscles.

"Ah here it is!" She yelled as she found the file color coding. They both leaned into read. Sesshoumaru's chin rested on her neck. Her smell was so familiar and comforting. Now that they were going to get some answers he found her company not so obnoxious.

They both scanned the pages and as the answer became clear both gasped. "Conifer?" Sesshoumaru asked. Kagome turned to him and nodded. "Where the hell do you get conifer file folders?" She asked. The demon lord looked at her, he was exhausted she was exhausted, it was almost midnight and they were trying to figure out where to get conifer file folders. Kagome groaned as she looked at the page. She leaned back against Sesshoumaru unconsciously seeking comfort for the most annoying thing she had read in her life. The demon unconsciously wrapped an arm around her waste as they searched.

"There." He said as he pointed to procedure 123.54bx. They both scanned and groaned "English Customary?" They said in unison. "Kagome what the hell is English Customary?" He asked as he pulled her closer while trying to get closer to the page she was holding.

Kagome stared at the paper in front of her and felt the demon pull her in. "I have no idea Sesshoumaru."

After about two more hours Kagome was in his lap and they were looking for the last discrepancy.

Sesshoumru's hands were on her thighs and she had removed her shoes long ago. She found it and crumpled the paper up. "Thats it! The day i organize by a customers street address will be the day, it throw my self into a pool of thumb tacs!" Sesshoumaru nodded. He had no longer cared for the damn manual. He looked at the copies all over his desk and got a rather interesting idea. He leaned in and whispered into her ear. "You know what might make this all make sense?" He asked as his tounge outlined the shell of her ear.

"What? Kagome asked as she leaned into him grinding unconsciously.

Sesshoumaru lifted the woman onto his desk and began to remove her clothing. Kagome's minds was lost during procedure 3923dp and she didn't fight him at all. She felt the papers beneath her as he removed her panties. Soon his lips we on her neck and his plan to 'Screw the damn manual' became apparent to her. She quickly undid his belt and soon enough he was taking her on top of the manual they so hated. She moaned as she felt him plunging into her. The papers beneath them be damned.

Sesshoumaru smirked as she braced herself against his chest. She could feel herself begin to tighten up.

"Wait." She said as she looked at him. She looked around for a second and found it. She grabbed the paper that said "Conifer file folders" and put it under her thigh. She climaxed seconds later followed by the demon lord. Both laid there sweaty and exhausted on top of Xerox copies. She looked up at him and smirked. "You still fail."


End file.
